Could it be that everything I know about my brain and self is wrong? Granted, I don't have much knowledge on either, but I thought I had somewhat of an idea. After my very first individual therapy session two days ago, I'm questioning my illness. Counselor told me if I was bpd I'd be showing borderline symptoms every second of the day. She said I speak too articulately and intelligently about bpd to actually have it. She believes I'm normal with borderline traits during stressful times, but the problem with that is, I *have* been suffering with constant symptoms. These past two weeks are the first and only signs of normalcy that I've had in years.
After researching bpd these past few days, I can't find anything that specifies whether sufferers go through normal phases or not. Nothing advises that symptoms are constant with no normalcy in between. There must be a break in symptoms, no? I believe in my heart of hearts that I have borderline personality disorder. I've exhibited every single sign and symptom for years. Nothing describes me better than every piece of bpd information I've ever read. So who's right in this case... the professional or the sufferer? Since I've had a two week break from constant symptoms, I'm a "normal" person?
One thing is certain, I'm not bipolar. I didn't think I was, but after meeting with a long time sufferer and rapid cycler, I know I don't meet the criteria. They told me I'm nowhere near bipolar, and I believe them as I already assumed this for quite some time.
So, these issues are certain:
-anxiety disorder
-OCD
-BED
-substance abuse (marijuana, benzos and alcohol)
Uncertain:
-mood/personality disorder
-PTSD?
I know I'm a mentally ill person. There's no two ways around it. One thing I *need* to find out from a professional is if a traumatic breakup leading to many stressful events can cause PTSD. I need a diagnosis and proper treatment. I need to know what's wrong with me. What the hell is wrong with me?!
